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December 11th, 2009
12:33 pm - I won't cry even if I want to.
Despite all of my whining and complaining, and despite the fact that I've been dreading this day all week, I am still really happy that it's my birthday! (<--- longest sentence ever.) I can't help it. My birthday has been my favorite day of the year since I can remember. And regardless of what may be going on in my life, I'm going to try my best to make this day awesome.
My bird is shaking her tail feathers at me, literally. I'll take that as a happy birthday from her.
Well I must go and shower so that I can be the prettiest person that December 11th has ever seen.
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December 10th, 2009
10:54 pm - murder mysteries.
Jeremy gave me my birthday present early.
My wonderful roommate bought me candy cane hot chocolate today. I love how thoughtful my friends are.
And apparently the cops were in my apartment today. The neighbors heard what they thought was a gunshot go off and called the police. No idea.
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December 7th, 2009
01:35 pm - too little.
how is it that 24 seems so much older on everyone else? I still feel 13.
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November 30th, 2009
02:43 pm - I am the tree of life.
When I woke up this morning I noticed that my skin was thicker. I guess this is what it feels like to wish something into existence. Interesting.
I watched the movie The Fountain this morning while doing other people's laundry. That movie makes me want to die, but in the best possible way. It's such a beautiful film. I cried. Of course. I think it was really appropriate that I watched that film today, because one of the major themes of the movie is letting go, and that's something that I'm having to learn to do. I feel like I'm letting go of a lot at once, but maybe it's better this way. Like a band-aid. Quick.
But definitely not painless.
I have discovered that I am not made out of stone, and that's okay because stone isn't very flexible.
If you haven't seen The Fountain then you need to. It's lovely.
(so is Rachel Weisz)
I must have a thing for girls with short hair.
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November 29th, 2009
08:08 pm - when isn't violence the answer? never.
Where did I go? Well anyway I feel very much back. Hi.
This week I'll be on the prowl for a few different things. So watch out!
*cough*girls*cough*
 
God I love her...
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November 28th, 2009
11:30 pm - It's bad when Wicked can't make me smile
My dog died. I miss my sister. My heart hurts. So much.
and then there's him.
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November 24th, 2009
04:02 pm - All this hope is making me dizzy
“Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning.”
- Mahatma Gandhi
My new philosophy on life.
Current Music: Frederic Chopin
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November 22nd, 2009
11:45 pm - Kristen Stewart has the smallest boobs ever
Today I saw New Moon for a second time... don't judge me. Despite the fact that I think that Stephenie Meyer is a pretty terrible writer, and despite the fact that she uses the word "incredulous" so many times that half way through book two I wanted to punch babies, I am still shamelessly addicted to Twilight. Well perhaps not quite shamelessly. I read all four books twice. Lame, I know. They are mushy and predictable, but they are more addictive than crack (not that I know how addictive crack is...). One of my favorite things about the Twilight series is how many times throughout the books the characters shudder. It makes me wonder if S.M. is aware that "shudder" is a synonym for "shiver" or if she just knows a lot of twitchy people. I would love to see a spoof of the movie where Bella and Edward shudder as many times as is indicated in the books. Anyway, I actually really enjoyed New Moon. It was soooo much better than the last movie. Abby and I went to see it on Saturday, and not only was the movie great, but the audience was hilarious. Today I saw it with Jeremy, and I enjoyed it just as much as I did the first time.
Today was good. I'm worried about tomorrow.
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November 15th, 2009
09:12 pm - When I said eat shit I wasn't being literal...
Oh what a mess things would be if she knew the whole truth.
So I had planned on seeing The Fantastic Mr. Fox this weekend, but apparently it didn't come out in Memphis. I have been waiting a really long time for this film to come out, and now that it's out I can't see it. Ugh. Every year I say I'm going to have a Wes Anderson party and I never do. Maybe this year will be different. I'm such a sucker for themes. Maybe that's why Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. When I was a kid my parents wouldn't buy me costumes from the store because they thought of Halloween as an opportunity to show off how creative a person can be. It was so fun making costumes with my family. My mom was practically wonderwoman back in those days. She was really involved in the community, and she raised thousands of dollars for the local Girl Scout troops by starting a haunted hayride that involved over 200 volunteers. It was huge, and super fun. It's hard to believe that she pulled it off. I wish Memphis was more community oriented. I've been thinking a lot lately about getting involved in some way, I just don't know where to start. I want to make this city a better and safer place to live. I'm so inspired by my mother. She believed in herself and her cause, and she changed our town. As cheesy and cliché as it is, I really do want to make a difference.
I started making art again, and it feels really amazing. The really baffling part is that I actually like it. That almost never happens.
Current Music: Carla Bruni - Quelqu'un m'a dit
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November 10th, 2009
07:12 pm - My angel is a... jello mold?
You know that full body shaking move that dogs do to dry themselves off? I wish I could do that, only instead of shaking off water I wish I could shake off this thick layer of melancholy that has settled on my skin. Thank god for Emily and Fraggle Rock.
Dance your cares away, worries for another day!
So I started vlogging... yeah I know. I'm just too funny and entertaining not to share it with YouTube. I'm not sure that it's really the most productive use of my time, but doing it makes me feel less sucky so I think that makes it worth while.
I've also started writing music again so we'll see how that goes (or doesn't).
and this just makes me happy:
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October 26th, 2009
10:29 pm - if I sang out of tune?
this isn't a game that I wanted to play. I'm not good at people games, I'm too honest.
This feels too familiar, but somehow it's worse now. much worse.
I will not give in to this dark creature that is trying so hard to drown me. I am better. I have to believe that I am better than that, or at the very least that I can be.
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May 26th, 2009
08:48 pm - pictures don't lie they just exaggerate
well this is it. this is what life is. it's just life and there's nothing you can do about it. meh. bleh.
fi fie fo fum
I sense the presence of someone dumb.
I can't be anything that I'm not already. Not really. I'm not you I'm not even like you, and I used to want to be. So badly. But that's over now. Now I want to be comfortable, and comfortable is me. So here I am and me I be.
Oh and Freddy, everybody wants it all so stop singing about it.
You would have gotten that. But you're not here to read this so you can't get it can you?
Precisely.
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May 22nd, 2009
01:54 am - ...and for every happy day.
Lately all I want to do is be outside, which is unusual for me in the summertime. I went hiking today, and it was really wonderful. I forgot how much I love the outdoors. I feel like I've just gotten so caught up in the stereotypical college life that I've forgotten some of the things that used to be really important to me, like nature. I mean I basically grew up in the forest, and I used to go hiking and camping all of the time. I miss those days.
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April 20th, 2009
03:14 pm - this never ends this never ends
a glass can only spill what it contains
I do not believe in much anything. I am filled with only partial belief and skepticism. I can't trust my own heart, and I'm expected to trust anything outside myself? All I have is myself, and I don't trust me.
If I believe in only what I see then I am limiting myself greatly. But I don't know what else to do. Experience has taught me to doubt what I feel.
The bottom line is that I'm not convinced either way, and I'm tired of lying to myself and everyone else.
I believe in love
and I believe in truth
of everything else I am entirely unsure.
Current Music: what do you think?
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March 16th, 2009
06:01 pm - Je Les Veux Toutes
I want to learn all languages. I want to have a garden in the French countryside, and I want to wear a big straw hat that will protect my little Russian face from the big golden sun.
I like the sound that a cigarette makes when it's put out with water. It's such a final sound.
I don't know what else to say my friends.
except... Je les veux toutes.
Current Music: Thomas Dutronc - Comme un Manouche Sans Guitare
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March 5th, 2009
12:56 am - Fact.
Animals have feelings, and I don't care what you have to say about it.
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November 18th, 2007
11:48 pm
This journal is friends only from now on...
so comment if you want to keep reading.
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November 10th, 2007
12:04 am - forsake the old country.
something about that electric eclectic pathetic room
and the way she fails to filll it up.
something (something?)
it's me that she was pointing to, and believe me i knew it
believe me i knew it
believe me i knew it
my gaze was down but my fists were up
and i've never missed (til you)(damnyou)
she never saw me coming...
put the bottle down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!needle.
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November 4th, 2007
10:50 am
i belong somewhere else.
that's all.
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October 3rd, 2007
10:08 pm - a peace went missing.
well what is left to be said or done?
where does this leave anything? and how did everyone become so involved in themselves?
what could be more important than human connections? what about love?
i have made mistakes, but while trying to correct them i'm finding that everything that i had left behind has changed into something unrecognizable.
being an adult cannot possibly mean being cold, and distant. if that's the case then i hope to die young. i may not make the best decisions or say the right thing all of the time, but my heart is in the right place. i can't see yours.
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shackonarock's journal